I’ve been in Houston almost 9 months now. So odd to think of all I’ve been through since I moved here and just how different I feel inside.
In hindsight, looking to last year at this time, I would have never imagined being here in Houston. I would have never guessed I’d face the challenges I am, thinking the thoughts I am, pursuing the goals I am, learning the things I am. My ideas and plans didn’t involve being here. My ideas and plans were very different. I’m glad I didn’t stay in my plans.
As I was reading a random blog post tonight, the thought passed my mind about what I really believe about this life. Jesus said he came that we may have life and have it abundantly; but is that how I see my life, as being abundant?
As I thought more and more, I realized I see life through a lens of suffering; that I see life through the lens of a victim, of a survivor. It doesn’t take much digging to see where this lens comes from. Pain and instability were a constant theme throughout my childhood. Although my adult life has been traveling a road of healing, I’m realizing my lens hasn’t really changed. I think it’s time to get rid of the old glasses.
Through all the hard stuff, one thing has been constant, and one thing remains; God’s tangible love. He’s proven himself faithful again and again and again. He’s the one in my life that’s been the foundation when everything else has failed. I’ve known no other. In him I put my hope, because I know he won’t leave me where I am.
What I look forward to is breaking through this cycle of suffering. I look forward to no longer struggling. I look forward to seeing life through the lens Jesus said he came to bring, life abundant. I know one day I’ll look back and see this mile marker, remembering my longing. I look forward to living life in his fullness, in joy and peace.
I don’t expect life to be perfect; I know it won’t be. But I do look forward to finally having a solid grasp on who I am in him, knowing His love through and through. I look forward to knowing without a doubt where my boundaries start and stop. I look forward to not being moved by anyone, to not be influenced by any words about who I am, other than the words of my God. I look forward to walking out the rest of my days in boldness, knowing that he will never leave me, that he will remain faithful to continue to pour out his love to me, bucketful after bucketful after bucketful, and not just a trickle.
I look forward to overflowing.
